[Meeting Myself] Living True to Yourself

Living True to Yourself

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Meeting Myself

To meet yourself, you need to be comfortable being alone. Over the last decade, I’ve taught courses combining philosophy and psychology, focusing on becoming the master of one's own mind. At the start of these classes, I’d ask, "Isn't it true that your mind doesn't always follow your will?" This question often led to a quiet moment, signaling that students were deeply engaged with the topic.
 
Why is it that we can’t control our own minds? I believe it’s because we haven’t grasped the core of our own hearts, and we’re afraid. Humans fear being alone. Some people are fine with solitude, while others struggle with it. Enjoying being alone, whether it’s in solitude or in company, is essential. However, for some, the fear of being abandoned or losing connection with others makes them overly attached to relationships.
 
Being alone due to necessity or discomfort with relationships doesn’t mean one is truly enjoying solitude. Genuine solitude involves enjoying peace and quiet, yet when we experience it, we often fear the idea of non-existence—essentially, death. This fear becomes evident in our discomfort with silence, which leads us to create distractions like turning on the TV or music.
 
To understand oneself, you must face this fear of being alone, of non-existence, and find the courage to reflect on it. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, in The Concept of Anxiety, states that learning to face anxiety is crucial. Anxiety signals our existence, as it is tied to the awareness of our inevitable death.
 
The idea of living authentically becomes compelling when we consider the reality of death. However, "living authentically" can seem frustrating because we don’t know what it means to live true to ourselves. To truly meet yourself, you must be comfortable being alone, which today, due to the prevalence of social media and constant connectivity, has become more difficult. Failing to be alone means failing to connect with who we truly are.

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Looking Within
 
To live authentically, you need to have the ability to recognize your own misconceptions. People often hold on to false beliefs that harm their lives, such as believing others are dismissive of them. In reality, most people are preoccupied with their own lives and don’t have the time to think about you as much as you might think. If someone does dismiss you, it usually stems from their own insecurities, not your worth. Often, the fear of being dismissed leads us to perceive rejection where none exists. These false beliefs stem from unresolved emotional wounds, and each person’s reactions are shaped by their unique experiences. Being able to reflect on why we feel the way we do is essential in understanding ourselves and overcoming these misconceptions. Literature, such as the work of Jeon Mi-jung, suggests that many of our struggles, like the fear of rejection or inadequacy, stem from early emotional wounds, and we need to confront these in order to heal.

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Self-Reflection and Growth
 
Every experience shapes who we are, and how we interpret these experiences influences our understanding of ourselves. We often avoid self-reflection, which keeps us stuck in destructive patterns. Regularly asking yourself "Why am I feeling this way?" or "What do I truly want?" helps you understand your emotional triggers and avoid acting on false beliefs. Albert Einstein’s famous quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results," highlights the importance of self-awareness. Our behaviors, often unconscious, need to be understood and adjusted to achieve the results we desire. Changing ingrained tendencies is difficult, but to live authentically, we must identify which tendencies help and which hinder our growth. For example, certain harmful beliefs about ourselves—like feeling inferior or unworthy—need to be challenged.

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Meeting the Self You Don’t Know
 
We often fail to see our own flaws or weaknesses. "Three people saying the same thing" suggests that when multiple people point out the same issue, there’s truth to it. Even if someone criticizes us harshly, reflecting on what aspect of ourselves might have triggered that reaction can reveal truths about who we are. Being open to others' perceptions allows us to uncover hidden truths about ourselves. Our minds tend to resist seeing our own faults. When we do get uncomfortable or upset, it's usually because we care about being respected, and that discomfort often stems from unconscious feelings of inferiority.

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Creating the True Self
 
The concept of "authenticity" can be hard to grasp because it is not fixed. Unlike plants growing from seeds that are predetermined, humans can consciously shape their own development. The philosopher John Stuart Mill, in On Liberty, describes humans as not machines following preordained paths but as living beings with inner forces guiding them to grow. Humans are not fixed entities; we constantly evolve. Reflecting on our experiences and continually asking ourselves questions like, "How does this impact me?" or "What can I learn from this?" helps us understand our direction. Our instincts, however, can sometimes lead us astray, so we need to stay vigilant and deliberate in our growth.
 
Being true to oneself is not a fixed state. It’s something we continuously shape through our experiences. We must stay alert to when we feel authentic, like when we feel at ease or when things just "click." These moments signal that we are aligning with our true self, and we need to be attuned to them in our journey. The philosopher Karl Jaspers referred to humans as "unknown abysses," suggesting that we are complex and difficult to fully understand. Despite this, at key moments, we can hear the true essence of who we are, guiding us toward the life we truly want to lead.